Managing your RSVP list
Calling every single person on your guest list that has not RSVP’d sounds like a big job and a waist of precious time when you already have one hundred and one things on your to-do list. I advise every couple to do this and I stress the importance of doing so but unfortunately…this is one piece of advise that most brides & grooms fail to follow…and they are usually sorry they didn’t. Most people like to hear “You were right”… I am not one of those people when it has affected the brides dream wedding.
In this blog I will to explain WHY this is such a critical part of wedding planning. In just a moment I’ll have some advice on how to get this project done with the least amount of time and energy but first I wanted to take a moment to explain why this task is not a to-do but a MUST-DO.
Meet a previous couple; let’s call them Cynthia and Ryan, a lovely couple who did not head this warning. Cynthia said “I just don’t have the time, plus I know everyone on my list knows etiquette enough to RSVP…it will be okay”. So we went back to her focus on the vision of her wedding ceremony and reception. She wanted everything to be perfect! She hated the hotel’s banquet chairs, they didn’t go with her colors or the theme at all so we ordered the perfect specialty chairs for her ceremony and reception from an outside rental company. The perfect specialty linen for her reception was also important to her, she picked a crushed fuchsia which matched the flowers and décor I had designed for her summer wedding. The specialty chargers, centerpieces and custom favors were to-die-for and they brought the whole look together perfectly. The design was everything she had dreamed of and more. Because of the tight budget she wanted me to order “just enough” of each specialty item. I advised to order more just in case…but the budget restrictions just didn’t allow it. On the day of the wedding we were all setup and I have to say, it was gorgeous!!!
Cynthia came from a very close and very large family. She had dreamed about this day for a year and anticipated that special moment when she would walk down the aisle surrounded by family and friends. She couldn’t wait for Ryan to see her for the first time in her beautiful dress and she couldn’t wait marry this man.
On the wedding day all the guest arrived and they were in awe of the beautiful ceremony setting we had designed for her. The violin and harp played romantic music as everyone was seated. It was all romantic and peaceful…as it should be! It was finally that time…. we staged the groom in a special private place for his entrance and staged the bride and bridal party in the hall behind the double doors that would soon swing open for the ceremony processional to begin. Cynthia was full of joyous, anticipation and nervousness. Then all at once…stop the presses… here comes Cynthia’s favorite aunt Nina and their family of five who had traveled from two states away… but they had not RSVP’d. Cynthia was glad they had made it to her special day. Then one of her close friends from college and her date walked through the door. Moments later here came Ryan’s good friends from college and his date…and a few more people, none of which had RSVP’d.
So I swing into action; I called the hotel banquet manager who in turn called the setup department to quickly bring more chairs to the ceremony site. Since we had ordered the specialty chairs from an outside rental company the hotel had to bring the hotels house chairs that Cynthia had hated so much. There were 12 chairs in total that had to come from the hotel’s basement storage. All the guests were seated and waiting for the ceremony to begin but instead of the bride walking down the aisle…here comes the 12 chairs rolling in stacked 10 chairs tall on the ugly metal chair transport rack. (It’s the only way to move that many chairs that quickly). Not exactly the vision Cynthia had dreamed of. The banquet staff quickly and efficiently set up the chairs and the ceremony could finally begin. All of this took a total of 27 minutes, all the while the bride was just standing in the hallway full of anxiety and the groom (in a different location) had no idea why there was such a delay….which made him very nervous. This impacted not only the mood of the bride and the groom but it changed the entire mood of the guests who had previously only raved about how beautiful and romantic everything was… Now the mood of the entire room was chaos. When things settled down Cynthia walked down the aisle and she married the man of her dreams.
But there’s more; now the unexpected guests needed to be accommodated at the reception as well. The beautiful décor Cynthia and I had been planning for so many months was about to change. The banquet set-up staff had to “roll in” the wood banquet tables and while we were thankful that the hotel provided the white house linen… we didn’t have the additional custom matching table cloth or added centerpieces, chargers, candles or favors needed to make the tables blend in with the rest. And then there’s the chef. The couple had painstakingly selected specific items during our tasting and the chef had prepared for just a few people over the final guarantee. Luckily everything worked out in the end, the additional guests were all served dinner but it was whatever the chef could rustle up from the kitchen in a hurry. Again…we were grateful they could accommodate the unexpected.
All of this chaos was upsetting on the wedding day but it wasn’t the end of the world, they had a wonderful wedding. Months later when the bride and groom received their wedding pictures from the photographer…the last minute chairs and tables stood out like a sore thumb and impacted her wedding pictures…and that’s a forever kind of thing that you can’t just “put out of your mind”!!!
All of this could have been avoided if the couple had just followed my advice and taken the time to make the calls. When I advise couples to call all those people on your list that didn’t RSVP it’s not because I want to add additional tasks to their already long list… it’s because I want them to have the perfect flawless day they have planned so hard for and dreamed about for so long.
JUST TRUST ME…CALL ALL NON-RESPONDING RSVP’S AND SAVE YOURSELF AND EVERYONE ELSE A LOT OF TROUBLE ON YOUR OTHERWISE WELL PLANNED AND BEAUTIFUL WEDDING DAY!
Rules to make this task easy:
1.) No member of the immediate family can be the one to make these calls because it will take weeks. Every person you invited is probably either important close family or friend. So it stands to reason that each phone call can last 10 to 45 minutes as the receiving party tries to get “caught up” or ask you a million questions about the wedding. They want to share in your joy and while this is very nice… it can hinder you from getting this VERY IMPORTANT task done.
Note: The person making these calls should be a stranger to the person who didn’t RSVP. Why? Because the call will last only minutes, reliving a tremendous amount of stress from you and saving you a ton of time that you just simply don’t have. The caller should be a friend of the bride and groom, bridesmaids or a trusted neighbor who won’t know your guests personally.
2.) If there are a lot of calls to make, split them up among a couple people. Example: Give 10 to your neighbor Sara, 10 to the maid of honor and 10 to your newest and trusted friend.
3.) Have them make the call friendly but brief:
Script The Call’s:
Hello my name is Michelle; I’m the maid of honor for Cynthia’s Dawson’s wedding scheduled for August 11th. We are finalizing the ceremony and reception plans and I’m just calling to fund out if you were planning to attend?
Answer: YES, we are looking forward to it:
Great, the family will be excited to see you!
a.) How many people will be in your party?
b.) (if applicable): There is a choice of Salmon or Filet Mignon ; can you tell me what you would like for dinner?
c.) Great: We are making up place cards for you, can you tell me which of you will have the beef and which of you will have the Salmon?
Thank you so much for your time and we’ll see you at the wedding. Have a lovely evening.
Answer: NO, unfortunately we won’t be able to make it:
No problem…. The family will miss you but they totally understand. I’m sure they will look forward to catching up with you after the wedding. Thank you so much for your time, have a lovely evening.
Problem solved! Drama avoided! Perfect Peaceful and beautiful Wedding Dream Achieved!!!
Happy Planning!!!
Las Vegas Wedding Planner, Designing & Planning Weddings and Events Nation Wide & Secluded Destination Weddings.
Jerri Woolworth